'I Love the Smell of Manure in the Morning'

Police Mugshot of Mustache

My new short story runs the gamut from light comedy to stark tragedy. It's about a lady's eyebrows that, 'fall in love', with a gentleman's mustache. Then tragedy strikes. The eyebrows announce their engagement to a nose hair. This drives the mustache 'nuts' and it starts drinking heavily. In a drunken stupor the mustache sends everything it can - an ambulance, a fire engine, a police car, a hearse, a rickshaw, a refrigerator on stilts and a dancing hedgehog - to the eyebrows apartment.

The plot acknowledges that the lady's eyebrows have a need for excitement, hence the sirens, emergency vehicles, dancing animals and men in uniform running in all directions, including sideways. The mustache then kidnaps the eyebrows. They drive off into the sunset in a car blazoned with the sign, 'Hair Today, Hair Tomorrow, and for the Foreseeable Future.'

In their haste to get away the car narrowly misses an elderly lady performing handstands on the sidewalk. While police issue a 'mugshot' of the mustache the possibility it may be disguised as a beard is not ruled out.

This week, my brother, Hedwig of Hardwick, was officially registered as a listed building. Now he can't be demolished or altered without government permission. The news has gravely upset his hairdresser, John Permawave.

While Hedwig can be selfish, unfeeling, vile, miserable, cantankerous, he also has negative traits. His eccentric behaviour has involved inviting reindeer to tea in the drawing room of his home in Norway and arriving dressed as a pair of black spectacles.  He also has a habit of making outrageous statements which particularly irritate his wife - 'All elephants enjoy gardening' and 'Since I met my wife I've never had a period of doubt. I've always despised her.'

Hedwig's most sensuous pleasure is lifting a book in his hand, sniffing its invigorating fragrance, fondling its pages with his thumbs, and reading while naked.

His favourite book is Animal Farm. When I asked why? he replied, 'I find it utterly compelling. The writer has greatly improved my understanding of myself, others, the world, and, let's not forget, farming. Also, the secret social network that exists between animals. Above all, I love the smell of manure in the morning.'  

Reflections: Sometimes the intense pleasure of reading comes from re-readings. It is one of life's pleasures to return to a novel I have read, and discover something new, something I may have missed on first, or second reading - the title?! - and it still remains, at the core, completely memorable.