Showing posts from April, 2009

Rocket Dog & When is a Just War a Just Cause?

Last night I dreamt that I and forty other passengers survived a plane crash. To our dismay there was no food on board. The prevailing consensus was that meat from one passenger might sustain everyone else until assistance arrived. Someone asked if anyone on board worked in marketing. An irrational, portly man raised his hand. It was the first time I had consumed a leg wearing an extra soft argyle sock, and Rocket Dog shoes. On the downside we were arrested by police on manslaughter charges as the plane had crashed-landed on the runway 100 meters from the terminal.

This morning I awoke with numb feet, and tingling hands. As my wife had left for work—and they didn’t belong to me—I telephoned my doctor. He told me to drop them off at the local hospital. If they aren't reclaimed by the owner in six months they are mine to keep. At last, someone to talk to.

I haven’t had a shower since watching Janet Leigh in the shower sequence in Psycho. I can’t go near a shower curtain without fee…

Dreams & Cécile De France

The curse of 'the potato' struck again last night just as I was about to marry Cécile De France. You may find this childish, but to have a potato replace Cécile in my dream was like having the sun replaced by heavy rain, and I don’t wear a coat, or carry an umbrella to bed. The potato, this time, was dressed in clothing of the opposite gender. However, it was the potato's pronounced eyes, exaggerated bodily mannerisms, and missing nose which unsettled me the most. 
Perhaps 'the potato' has been to see the The Rocky Horror Show too many times with the girls from the office? The potato sang and danced to Cole Porter's song, "I Get a Kick Out of You". I can still see the slinky red dress it wore, the flat lipsticked mouth, its wild green eyes; the pitiless hideous voice ...  To be honest I’m dreading falling asleep tonight. What if the potato surprises me and turns up disguised as a carrot? I’d contact the police but they would think I was nuts, and ge…

Hay Fever & Bliss

My daughter said something was 'bliss' today. It reminded me of attending a play by Noel Coward in London titled Hay Fever - I sneezed continuously throughout the production. I believe it was Noel Coward's first comic success - not the sneezing, the play. The theme of the play is as old as Roman comedy: self-seeking, ludicrous people are attracted to fame and fortune and get their just rewards when they discover they are hopelessly out of their depth. It appears nothing changes in life. Some people can be slow in recognising the worthlessness of material things.
I was stopped by the police today for speeding which I found extremely upsetting - I was walking at the time. I think I’ll appeal the conviction with rigor if only I could find him.
I'm looking forward to seeing Steven Berkoff (actor, director, playwright, author, etc.) in a live performance where he will present an exploration and analysis of Shakespeare`s most villainous characters. Berkoff remains a rare, a…

A Day at the Office

Tony is sitting behind his desk. Adam enters.
Tony: Sit down.

(Adam does so.)

Tony: Do you know what I’m holding in my hand?

Adam: A straight flush?

Tony: (sighing) Your latest appraisal. (Pause) Frankly, the organisation expected greater things.

Adam: Well, I've been working on a restricted canvas. (Smiling) Still reading through the classics?

Tony: (pretentiously) Just finished reading Don Quixote for the third time.

Adam: Did you skip the dull bits?

Tony: That would be sacrilegious … Though it’s overrated, of course.

Adam: Of course.

Long pause.

Tony: (uncomfortable) I’m afraid I’ve some bad news.

Adam: You’ve had a full body scan and received a clean bill of health?

(Tony raises his eyes heavenward.)

Adam: Your hair-piece is writing an autobiography?

(Tony shrugs helplessly.)

Long pause.

Tony: Have you lost weight?

Adam: I’m on a diet.

Tony: Finding it easy?

Adam: Definitely. I’ve no money for food since my wife left me.

Awkward pause.

Adam: How is she by the way?

Tony: Melissa? Never better ... Wa…