How to walk without your mouth open


I woke this morning - which is always a good thing - to a strange phenomenon. The handmade velvet blanket covering my bed was emblazoned with crop circles. I know such formations usually appear in wheat, barley, rye, and other crops adorning this Earth. Often on highlands, and intricate in design. How an alien spaceship landed in my bedroom without wakening me has left me unsettled. However, I believe the experience has cured an ailment which has plagued my entire adult life; I can finally walk around without my mouth open.  

When my wife came into the bedroom she give an 'unearthly' scream; she had never seen me without my pyjamas before. She began to laugh - an emotion she hasn't the countenance for - and conjectured that it may have been the work of pranksters who had breached our home during the night.

I don't believe in 'paranormal activity' except when my wife and I attempt sex. How will I sleep tonight? Probably with my eyes closed. I have sprinkled wheat on top of the bed in case the aliens return. I'm frightened they may revert to violence or sexual experimentation if their desire to create crop circles is infringed. Tonight I intend to sleep in an iron stove in the kitchen disguised as burning coal. My wife can sleep under the carpet in the living room if she so desires.

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The synopsis of my new novel is based on a wealthy charmer who paints still life, before life, after life, and blocked sinuses. In the story the protagonist falls in love with his easel. Unfortunately, they break up following an argument as to whether Picasso ended his life bald or without hair.

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Reflections: It's gratifying to discern that a number of 'great' writers' were unable to spell certain words. I'm thinking of William Shakespeare, Mark Twain, Jane Austen, etc., who were unable to spell: iPod; iPad; digital detox; smartphone; gastropub; atom bomb; overseas contingency operations; botox; selfie, twerk, and 'me time'.

I don't believe they missed anything of value, somehow.

Comments

OrchidOlivia said…
Wow that's something else. I've experienced alien activity in my bedroom (but that's another story). That is a phenomenon. It could have been a spirit or alien orb that came into your room... we all know they're not visible to the human eye, You never know these days.

By the way, your novel sounds interesting haha.
And I agree with you about the authors not missing out on anything.
Hillbilly Duhn said…
Alien activity in the bedroom with crop circles. LMAO!
K'sah said…
It's funny that you made that statement abou the great authors not being able to spell. One of the reasons I read Jane Austen religiously is to keep my vocabulary up to date and well to have a good cry. But I find authors like Shakespeare and Austen and Twain somewhat were ahead of their time in writing. Its tragic to think they would have fumbled and scratch their heads, pondering how to spell ipod or Wii. Great Blog! I think you are an amazing writer!