The Thin Man, Digestive Biscuits, and Pimples

The cottage is now silent, deserted, and rain falls silently through holes in the roof, delicately touching my shoes. I recall exceptional times, and the exceptional people to whom this ruin was once home.

I met Arthur for the first time at the grocery store. He was thin, and wore his clothes like an old, wire coat hanger. Though much older than me, we talked, wherever, and whenever, we met. In fact, he worked with my father. Arthur treated all women with courtesy - an old-fashioned trait, seemly, by some men today - and had an easy, relaxing disposition. He was full of commonsense, and not an inkling of bitterness permeated his body.

One day, Arthur, told me about the night he first met Ellen. I listened intently as we sat beside the sea; the glint of the sun playing with the soft waves. The taste of salt filled the air. Arthur's first recollection of Ellen was her kicking him in the face. It was during a dance - thirty or so years earlier - held in the local church hall. One of her feet caught his nose as she fell on the floor. After an abrupt silence they went outside, and successfully suppressed the bleeding. He recalled it was an unseasonably warm, and windless night.

Ellen looked at Arthur with her bright eyes.

'Would you like to go out?'

'We are out!'

'No. Silly. Would you like to go out on a date?'

'Well, I don't know? You just kicked me in the face. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think a relationship with you could lead to more violence down the line?'

'What weight are you? Seven stone? I'd take you for ten at least?'

'Ten what?'

'Ten stone, stupid! What weight do you think I am?'

'It's hard to say. It's getting dark, and the moon isn't bright tonight .... ?'

'Go on. Have a guess?'

'You're upsetting my blood pressure!'

'What's 7 times 2 divided by 7 times 2 multiplied by 14? Plus a stone, either way, of course.'

'Ten stone!'

'On the nose!'

'What's on my nose?'

'Not your nose!'

'Well, whose nose?'

''Nobody's nose!'

'I know that song.'

Ellen started to sing:

'Nobody nose the trouble I've seen
Nobody knows but Jesus
Nobody nose the trouble I've seen
Glory Hallelujah

Sometimes I'm up and sometimes I'm down
Yes lord, you know sometimes I'm almost to the ground O yes ...'

They sang two, or three, choruses together. Arthur sighed, but there was something about Ellen he liked. She made him feel good, with her boisterous laughing, nudging and winking. There would never be a dull moment with her around. They agreed to meet the following Saturday night. Spring turned to summer, and they tied the knot. Arthur got drunk after the wedding, and Ellen carried her husband over her shoulder back to their cottage. Arthur and Ellen; Seven stone and Eighteen stone; Laurel and Hardy, Skin and Bone.

When Ellen died, Arthur moved to England, and rented a small room from an elderly lady who once cleaned the local Mission Hall. It's cold, and dark, as I leave the ruins of the cottage. The rain plays tricks, and voices, and conversations, appear to flow from the cottage; forging their way into my mind, memory, the skin of my soul.

Reflections: Did you know the name ‘digestive’ originated due to the high content of baking soda used to aid food digestion? Neither did I until I sought an explanation from one of my teacher’s. Miss Peters seemed to know a lot about biscuits. In fact, she informed me about the history of biscuits, including tube packaging and brand portfolios. During her account she became quite energised and passionate; eyes bulging and hands whirling in escalating loops. I thought she was deranged. Imagine knowing so much about the history of biscuits, and getting excited telling how generations’ have enjoyed eating them. A real nutcase. I bet she went home and scoffed digestives every night.

Some years' later, someone told me Miss Peters exploded in class one day, and all her pupils were covered in baking soda. For some reason - after the incident - there was a startling decline in pupil's attending the school with acne and pimples. I never found out who Acne and Pimples were? Probably got married? Who nose?